God woke me up.

I started in my LTG last friday.  I’ve written about it in older postings.  We just so happen to be reading through Galatians now and Galatians talks all about adoption! 

Well, I went to church on Sunday.  We just started going through the Gospel of John.  The study guide sheet in the church bulletin was entitled “You’re Invited.”  Below it says “To Life.”  And there are more bullets I could go into more detail with, but I won’t.

Two of the scriptures Pastor John spoke about were literally on the same page as two I know God wanted me to see this week.  One is Psalm 139:13-16.  I’ve written it below.  It is my absolute favorite.

Psalm 139:13-16: “For you formed my inward parts; You covered me in my Mother’s womb.  I will praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are your works and that my soul knows very well.  My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.  Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.  And in your book, they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them.”

I’m the girl who has struggled with my life being a “mistake.”  I’ve gotten past that.  The Lord actually did quite a bit of healing in my heart at The Passion Conference  this past spring.  But in the middle of all of this adoption related pain I am experiencing now, I still need to be reassured of my purpose.  He did reassure me.  This scripture is breathtakingly beautiful to me.  Always has been.

Another scripture our Pastor brought into the message last Sunday was in the beginning of John.  My Bible has little bubbles next to verses with topics like “Salvation, Divorce, Gossip”  and on and on.  Low and behold, right there under the verse we were reading, a bubble that says “Adoption.”  And so I read the verses.

John 1:12-13:  “But as many as received him, to him he gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in his name, who were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God.”

I exist in the will of God.  I am a CHILD OF GOD.  Whoa, that’s pretty cool stuff.  It’s a little hard to wrap my head around, because earthly adoption versus spiritual adoption entails slightly different things, BUT…

A major point my Pastor made on Sunday comes from…

Hebrews 4:15-16: “For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses.”

A.K.A. God “gets it.”  Even when my Birthmom doesn’t.  Even when I don’t.  God does.  This is something I touched on before, but it’s just absolutely amazing that this verse was thrown at me during Church.  I’m telling you!!! - GOD SPEAKS! 

In addition to doing the LTG, I’ve started one of those “Read through the Bible in a year” kinda deals.  Right now, I’m in Psalms because that’s where the dates fell.  I just kinda started with whatever the schedule told me to read for the ending dates in April.

Yesterday, I read this…

Psalm 9:9-10:  The Lord also will be a refuge for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble.  And those who know your name will put their trust in you; for you, Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.”

After reading in Psalms, I headed over to Galatians, saying to God, “Look God, I already read through this the other day.  I read it slowly and highlighted every possible thing I felt relevant to me.  What can you possibly show me this time?!?”  Ha.  I doubt God too much!

Galatians 4:9-10:  “But now, after you have known God, or rather, are known by God, how is it that you turn again to the weak and beggarly elements, to which you desire again to be in bondage?  You observe days and months and seasons and years.”

Yeah God, I do.  Thanks for calling me out on it! 

I know the Lord.  I have victory over this!  And from what He’s been showing me, I know he understands what I am feeling and where I am coming from.  But I also know He doesn’t want me to stay in this place.  And I have for far too long.  Anyone who knows me (primarily Leah!) and has read anything I have blogged in the past, knows that this monster called adoption has ripped me up, eaten me alive, hindered me and broken me.  Sometimes, God allowed it in order to show me something.  Other times, I was just allowing it myself.  I’m not going to anymore.

I’m not saying that by making a decision to move past this, it will never hurt again.  Today, it doesn’t.  Tomorrow, I may be back again rambling about a heart that is in pain.  But in all things…

Psalm 16: 5 and 6:  “O Lord, you are the portion of my inheritance and my cup;  You maintain my lot.  The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places; Yes, I have a good inheritance.

I’m promised victory because my Savior is my portion and keeps my lot.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.  He is enough. 

And so…

Psalm 16: 9 - 11:  Therefore, my heart is glad, and my glory rejoices; My flesh will also rest in hope.  For you will not leave my soul in Sheol, Nor will you allow Your Holy One to see corruption.  You will show me the path of life; in your presence is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. 

I’m okay.  My birthmom and I have a probable phone date tonight.  I’m sure it might get a little tough, but I’m excited to share with her what God has said to me.  She emailed me again last night saying that she “hopes we’re okay” and that “we will work through it together at some point.” 

See?  She’s there for me.  And I’m going to try to be there for her. 

Things are good.

God is good.